Oh no I did it again!

It’s been a while since my last post and a few things have happened in the meantime. I have fallen off the wagon; utterly and completely!

I was convinced that I don’t need any more a regular structure regarding my goals and now I know that I am the living proof that people do need a roadmap for their life. Yes its true, that nothing bad happened but also nothing really good. I have stopped my exercise regime, gained weight and just lived from day to day. This all left me with a slight feeling of guilt and melancholy and although I could not put exactly the finger on what made me so uncomfortable today I know that the work on becoming a better self never stops.

If you work on your life regularly, on improving your skills, your ideas and also your behavior it becomes a habit but as soon you stop you snap into the “easy state”. We humans are created the way that we don’t overuse our energy apparently.

 

There is one piece of good news in this whole gloomy picture… I have decided to start a new venture and by end of month my company Borina Web Solutions UG is going live. It has been a battle to decide if I should seriously apply for jobs, to work for other people or if I should give it another try and start all new again. I hope I have learned my lesson from previous adventure, which you all know went so horrible wrong. This time I have earned through same work already the set up cost ( so the new company pays in some way for its own existence), there is no partner who could sabotage my work or where I need to make compromise and my expectations about revenues and timelines are hopefully closer to reality. I have decided to focus locally rather on the whole world wide web but if anybody out there needs beautiful homepage or online shop don’t be shy! My business is about web design using a website builder rather than code everything from the scratch, this makes the service much more price competitive and nowadays those services are very close to the level of individuality a customized design can provide. My website is of course in German language but as I mentioned before, if there is a need a language should be not a barrier.

As you see I made AGAIN a conscious decision to jump back on the track, so watch this space you will hear from me more often after all.

Can you ever be too old to change?

Yesterday I had a conversation with a friend who needs to totally rebrand and remodel her business. After 15 years she needs basically to start from scratch and he has very difficult time to do it so. I have started to totally changed my career and also my life choices by end of my 30s and have been called more than once crazy. At this point of “advance age” usually people make life and career decisions based on advancing further in the chosen path rather than radically new directions.

 

 Is it true, that at some point, a magic number of years of your life you are simply just too old to change?

My very own answer to this question is very clear: NO you are never too old for a radical change.  Every radical change of any kind, businesswise, career wise or life choices will set you back at the beginning and there lies the biggest problem for older generations as this type of changes demand staggering amount of energy and also self-discipline and a pinch of risk appetite. In your youth this soft skills are existent in abundance while with aging, your physical and also mental skills can regress particularly if you don’t practice and exercise. Your financial obligations and also expectation grow with time, therefore you feel you have more to lose and this is the reason why so many people are stuck in unhappy situations.  I don’t want to fool anybody here, I totally understand my friends, who are not happy with their career choice and some of them basically hate every single day when they have to go to work but want for their children to have what they consider a “great” life. I understand that they put the needs of their loved ones above their own happiness. At some degree I also admire them for this kind of behavior and yet I find it incredible sad, if somebody at the age of 40 tells me, that they are too old to start new. They will have to live a miserable life for another 30 years in prison jargon this means “life sentence”, they just build their cell all by them self.

We make our own choices, how much commitment we are willing to risk.

I can promise you even if you are very young and full of energy you can be too old for a change if you don’t want to change. If you are not prepared to make any commitment or deep inside you simply resist change, you will never make it. You will fail every single time, no matter your age. If you are my age or thinking about that you might be too old, please be kind to yourself and remember that you have already done this kind of exercise before. You have already once transformed and created a new life for you (just like everybody else who grows up) and if you have done it before you can do it again. In some ways it might be even easier as now you know more about what you like. It will take courage to  take the first step of course but once you are over this hurdle usually there is also no going back as you have already started to change and you will never be the “old me” again. If your change feels just as to big gap from where you stand, take smaller steps and the distance will become every time smaller until it’s just in front of your nose…

Persistence and determination as key elements of success

No major transformation in life can be achieved without constant effort. Every big change requires million steps into the right direction and while your enthusiasm will certainly fade persistence and determination can and will be pushing you forward.

“Nothing in this world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful people with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan “press on” has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race.” – Calvin Coolidge

Persistence will help you moving forward towards your dreams and goals

Persistence: the fact of continuing in an opinion or course of action in spite of difficulty or opposition.

Of all definitions of persistence, this one is my favorite. For me, being persistent, as opposite of stubborn, means being active and develop and execute tactics to overcome difficulties or opposition.  When you change your life dramatically, you will not only encounter difficulties of unusual behavior and unfamiliar situations, but also people will judge you. People who are close to you always have an opinion on your life (even those who are not close to you) and they will at least challenge your dream as they don’t really want their environment to change. They might laugh at your dreams or call you naïve ( in my case to give up such a “great job”), they will make you feel foolish to chase wild visions at your age and I can assure you it takes quite a bit of thick skin to deal with some of those comments. Sheer persistence and determination is the only thing that keeps me going on some days. I consider it as the master skill to success.

Many months ago I read the story of the Brooklyn Bridge. The article was about the real life story of the engineer John Roebling who build the bridge back in 1870. It took him 13 years to complete the project. Roebling was inspired by an idea to build a spectacular bridge connecting New York with the Long Island. However bridge building experts throughout the world thought that this was an impossible feat and told Roebling to forget the idea. After a few months a tragic accident happened, leaving Roebling severely handicapped and barely moving.  Everyone had a negative comment to make and felt that the project should be scrapped since the Roebling was the only one who knew how the bridge could be built. All he could do was to move only one finger and over time and with sheer determination he developed a communication method using his physical abilities to instruct others to finish the project. Until this day this spectacular bridge still stands as a tribute to one man’s incredible and unbroken spirit.

“If you are going through hell, keep going.”

― Winston S. Churchill

I deeply admire people with such unbelievable strength. I am not like that I am also certain, that we are born with a certain level of persistence ability. I don’t think that persistence can be developed or taught but I believe it can be strengthen over time.  Part of this process is to develop more self-discipline (which can be practiced) and the other is having trust and faith that things will fall into right place.  Many fortunes have been lost or never found by stopping just short. Many on the other hand have been found by trying just one more time.

Have trust in your vision and values and while you might change your tactics to get there as long as you constantly keep on going and take actions you will reach your destination.

Resist temptation

If you Google “resist temptation” you will get hit by 1 Mio pages. Everybody tells you how to do it and while most of them are religiously drafted a very few are proper clear instructions and would work for me.

Today I don’t want to give you any advice how to resist temptation, just some words to remember

A mistake repeated more than once is a decision.

Every time I am tempted I remember this. Everything starts with your choice of what you want and unfortunately temptation breeds more temptation which means 1 slip might not lead you away from your goal, but in simple math your way towards your dreams becomes longer. I personally find it incredible hard to resist temptation. I have no issues to control things like food or having a daily discipline for sport. I find it very hard to control my impulses when it comes to human relationships. This can mean all sorts of things, choice of my partners, behaving disrespectful (gossiping) or even sometimes judging others. I figured it out that I am not particularly good in resisting temptation in the heat of that very moment therefore I rather avoid it all together. I started to abstain from situations where I could be tempted. With time you build something like a wall of defense by simply not letting temptation enter your house and after a while you forget all about it. That’s what I call passive resistance.

My vision is to build my own house of a person I want to be and that the foundation and the walls of my house will be natural barrier for the temptation, which is all around us. My whole process of transformation and change makes me ultimately architect of my own destiny and just like the profession of an architect, nobody masters it from the very first beginning but hey as long as you get your foundations right everything else falls eventually into the right spot.

I am not naive or stupid; I know that you cannot avoid temptation all together. I am not even sure you should resist everything at all times, sometimes temptations teach me about my secret wishes I am not ready yet to admit. Nevertheless I want temptation to be invited to my home as a guest rather than intruder. This is what I meant by I avoid it until I have a place surrounded by strong values and deep understanding of who I am and what I want to be.

I know this picture sounds corny but temptation feeds of your emotions and stronger emotions you can hold against it, easier it will become to lough at anything that will hold you back from your dreams.

Do 30 day challenges really work?

Have you also seen all this 10, 20 or 30 day challenges? Did you ever wonder if this thins work or why are they called like this and why on earth they go 10, 20 or 30 days?

As I have started to use Pinterest more frequently for motivation and inspirational purposes, I stumble across those boards and pins all the time.

Visit Donotthere’s profile on Pinterest.

I could not help but wonder what is behind this hype. Currently thinking and speaking a lot about courage also made me wonder if doing this sort of challenge would help me practice to strengthen my courage muscles.

The most research about challenge and pushing yourself over “tipping point” has been done of course on the physical field and is related to exercise but I believe it also relates to mental “flexing of muscles”. There is some scientific research that shows that actually your body is designed to prevent you from “giving it all”. The major blame for this type of sabotage is in the molecule called adenosine. It plays a vital role in biochemical processes, such as energy transfers and its believed to play a role in promoting sleep and suppressing arousal. Adenosine is normally present in the extracellular fluid in most tissues of the body, including the brain, and its level increases dramatically following hypoxia or ischemia. The rate of adenosine production is enhanced when the energy demand is larger than the rate of energy supply. The adenosine levels rise over your day until at the peak this state is probably responsible to make sure you fall asleep at the night and recover. The molecules attach to the surface of brain cells and in plain words, tell them to “chill out”, just to make sure you have some energy left, if grave danger would jump out of nowhere and you would need to run for your life. Au contraire, the caffeine uses the same cell receptors to prevent this from happening so it works as a stimulus.

Good news here, you can improve your adenosine tolerance by millions of little small steps over your base point, where your mind (not your body) tells you I am tired I need to stop. This applies not only to physical but also to mental exercises. If you keep on constantly pushing and expanding your comfort zone also your level of effort will decrease therefore your body will not treat this type of activity as exhausting as it feels the first times and levels of adenosine in your body will not spike dramatically.

So looking at my research I would say that this challenges work, not in a way that you create a habit but as a strengthening exercises and I would like to put my theory in practice so I choose to make an experiment on a physical and also mental side. As part of my overall 2016 goal I want to reduce my body fat percentage (I want to build up more muscles) therefore I need to be exercising more in muscle building way. So far all my physical exercise has been cardio related, like swimming and running. I don’t particular enjoy this type of sports but that’s why it’s called a challenge and on the mental side I want to do every day something uncomfortable, I think this one might be as challenging as the physical one but we will see. My challenge should be 20 day. Let’s get started.

 

Where and how to start to change when you are feeling stuck

I’ve noticed something very striking about the people who are complaining that they’re feeling stuck, overwhelmed, or “so confused”… After a while, it often becomes clear that they are much more talented and much more ambitious than average. They have something like an inner drive to constantly improve themselves.

In case you are in similar situation, but cannot figure out right now, on your own what and how to change your current situation, I would like to share some of my own steps to try.

In general when we are stuck, there is one particular life situation that causes us in our mind a problem. It serves as some sort of “roadblock”, preventing us to move forward. Every one of these roadblocks is unique but I discovered a technique that helps create a new path around those blockades. I should give you a fair warning; your mind will try to prevent you from change as we are hard wired against change, as this signals potential danger for ourselves, therefore it takes willingness and also regular practice.

Instead of focusing on the problem itself (Job, Boss, Spouse….) focus on a solution. Sounds easy right? I can tell you it’s a little bit harder as it seems. I sit down at least once a day for 15 minutes and think of possible (no matter how crazy) solution for a week. I write them down and usually at the end some are actually quite viable. Sometimes I ask people they know me and I trust, how they would solve the problem. You asking, doesn’t necessary mean to do it at the end (for all those among us who ask for advice, just to argue against it…)

Do more things you love. I enjoy going to fancy restaurants and cool hotels. Spending time there boost my energy level, which usually drop when you are feeling stuck, as unconsciously this particular problem or roadblock drains your energy (sucks the life out of you). With elevated energy levels, it’s much easier to focus on the goal and possible solution and you also have a positive mindset so you can envision possible future better.

 

Spend time in nature. Scientific studies show that natural environments can have remarkable benefits for human health. Spending just 20 minutes outdoors improves your vitality and also boosts your immune system. In general words; get outdoors you will get more zest and also get your mojo back to fight your internal roadblock.

 

 

I also sometimes forget all these 3 things, but I promise you it works. This technique helps you shift your perspective and gives you a new inside of your current situation.

If you change the way how you look at things, the things you look at will change too.

 

Give it a try and please let me know what you think, I would love to hear your experience.

3 Main Reason why people radicaly change their lives

I often wonder what exactly made me snap and decide to abandon my old, comfortable life and seek transformation into the person I truly want to be in order to live the life I dreamt about. Wow, this is a long and complicated sentence, just like there a various way that lead us to our personal path of change…

After a few months of research and own observation  I came out with 3 simple life situations where radical change is possible and even probable, otherwise someone will never even dream about.

1. Something incredible positive happened.  After amazing and radical event like marriage, your dream job, a kid or new business opportunity your life turns upside down.
2. Something incredible negative happened. Experiencing death, loss of any kind like bankruptcy or divorce and the person literally hits rock bottom.
3. Nothing at all happens.  No matter what you try or do, you are stuck in your life, there is absolutely no progress and you feel like nothing ever will change until you die.

What all these 3 events have in common is that they significant and radically effect and influence your daily routines and force you rather to move according their lead. One becomes a puppet played by strings of somebody else. In general people are not comfortable with change as everything new has been hardwired in our DNA as potentially life threatening and it just takes time to adjust and get familiar with the new situation, but all above mentioned stages of life have already inflicted some sort of change and we have 2 choices how to deal with it. Change or not to change.

 

You would think that in the first situation somebody has no reason to look for help, to t cope with transformation but plenty of this people ask themselves “ why am I not happy, I have everything I ever wanted…”  seems  like some ungrateful creature! Others would kill for what you have etc.. Some people even get full on depression in the situation, following a positive event, called dysthymia. This is a mood disorder and women are more likely to suffer from it than men. Clinical psychologists report, that in most cases those prone to dysthymia are often successful, intelligent people who don’t appear to have any obvious reasons for feeling unhappy.

If you hit in the face with a particular nasty event your usual reaction is the promise to yourself, that in future you would do everything what you can to prevent this thing happening to you ever again. In case of death this might be quite unrealistic, but I have seen people who promised themselves never to let anybody close enough, so they would not feel such a pain again. Most people dwell and grieve in their current situation, but a few of them take this opportunity to radically change them self. As a rule of thumb you can say that pain and fear can be good motivators, especially if your desired outcome has positive effect (like choosing a healthier lifestyle or spending more quality time with your loved ones)

The overwhelming feeling of being stuck in our life was my own personal reason of radical change. We all struggle with this kind of mindset sometimes, but some of us decide to change this in more proactive manner. I could not accept that this would be how I feel for the rest of my life. This particular reason, of being stuck in life might need the biggest internal push as there is no obvious outside reason, that gives you the nudge but when I saw the saying, no reason to stay is a good reason to go it was like something hit me..

No matter why people decide to change or transform their lives, it helps to understand where they come from in order to pick the right tools for their personal change. Every transformation has 2 major characteristics it takes time and courage.

Talk to you like yourself would to someone you love

We have all been there. We have all been a terrible friend to the person we should be the closest, to ourselves. We have been a jerk , ignorant to our needs or perhaps even unnecessary hard. I believe that the first step to real life transformation is to be kind and loving to yourself. Of course it is important to be sometimes hard, not to go the easy path … but we all need to understand that love and respect starts how we think, talk and care for ourselves

Buddha said

You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.

Once we understand that we need to be our best friend, we can go and start making better choices for what we consider better life. We can reach such a higher potential if we use the force of love instead of fear. They say love conquers all. The diet is all of a sudden not more than a choice of a better life as I guess you don’t buy a Ferrari and fill it up with the cheapest oil… It can be transformed to so many areas of our life where we consider we want, can and will change and transform. Loving ourselves effect the choices in partners we make, how we treat our environment and how hard we work for better not for worse.

If we think of us as fat or lazy we will automatically become what we think we are as our expectations lower. Possessing little self-regard can lead people to become depressed, to fall short of their potential, or to tolerate abusive situations and relationships on the other hand people warn us not to love your self too much as it could lead you to a point where you feel you are entitled to do what ever you want and fail to learn from your mistakes. I personally believe there is much more downside if you don’t love yourself rather too much. If you treat yourself as you would the person you want to spend your life with you can for sure also see where things can go wrong.

You can be your own best friend or your own worse enemy, we should choose wisely..

Behind door 3

 

Today there will be no wise words, no “how to” advise only simple statements.

One of major NYR is QUIT SMOKING

I smoked therefore I cannot be the one who tells you not to start in first place. I smoked a lot. I had almost 3 pks. of Lucky Strikes a day, back then in the days, where smoking was allowed in the office. One afternoon I stopped and never had a cigarette again. At this afternoon my mouth tasted like ashtray and felt it’s time to stop. As you see I am not in the position to give you a recipe how to stop smoking.

Only thing I can provide is a list of reasons why you should ditch this nasty habit

• Its bloody expensive
• You are polluting the environment ( all these cigarette butts)
• You stink ( literally and even if you are not aware quite a lot)
• It’s not sexy, perhaps if you are young Robert Redford but this is not going to happen ..
• It impacts your sexual performance
• You snore more
• You taste less
• All the health issues I don’t even want to state..( lung cancer, chron disease, emphysema and about 100 funny others)
• Your hung over sucks twice as much as one of the non-smoker
• You get yellow parts on your body ( awwwww)
• You are moody
• Your skin looks rather grey

This list can go on and on. Perhaps there is a good reason why you smoke; unfortunately I cannot imagine one. If you find a good one- keep on smoking. Looking at the above list it has to be a very good one, it must be “life and death” good reason but hey who am I to judge.

If you want to develop self-discipline start with physical exercise

 

Developing willpower and self-discipline are the basic tools in the process of transformation and can make a great difference to your life. They will give you the inner strength, which is vital for the success  of your Project, no matter which part of your life you want to change.

But where to start?

How many times you have started with good intentions and amazing plans but due to laziness or lack of inner strength failed to push through?

There is a general misconception regarding willpower and self discipline. Most people believe that the development of those require a lot of mental and physical strain and effort. I made the experience that this is not true. There are tons of simple and little exercise that will have the desired effect and most of them are even fun. A simple and effective technique to strengthen your willpower and self-discipline is to do things, which you would rather avoid doing, due to laziness, procrastination, lack of inner strength and assertiveness, shyness, or other similar reasons on a small scale. I made my own plan with point where I do those things on a daily basis. There is a vast list of chores and things I rather avoid like make my bed first thing in the morning or clean my kitchen every day (household chores in general) I set myself a score of certain amount of so called Basis points per day. If I do things beyond those basis points I collect sort of extra points which I can use up on one day in this week.

I will post a list later on this week for all those who are lacking a little bit of inspiration where to start.

But let me point out that the easiest way to strengthen your willpower is physical exercise. We all have tendencies to be rather cozy than active. As soon as you start for example only walking more (preferable in nature) your brain will recognize the pattern and this can be transformed in other areas. If you exercise on regular basis you will quite quickly see results which help tremendous with motivation. Starting practice self – discipline with physical exercise has the advantage that you are also in full control, unlike other areas of life like applying for a new job. American Psychological Association says, as with physical exercise, using your self-control muscle may be tiring, but over time the workout increases your strength and stamina. The APA also says that working out leads to similar changes like exercising metal willpower but it is according to my opinion much easier to realize.

So if you struggling to find a starting point go for a 30 minutes walk, everyday no matter the weather and you will see very soon a change in your whole approach.